Do we need to learn from EVERYONE?

Never linger too long with the ignorant, throw stones at their talk. Walk only with the lovers, the mirror of the soul gets rusty when dipped in muddy water. - Rumi

Saw this on a post this morning, and it resonates with me today.

However, I'm confused how/if that fits with my other teachings. Forgiveness, understanding, acceptance of others.

Do we look at each situation individually in our lives and decide then? Can both philosophies be correct?

Do we/can we walk away? Do we suck it up and forgive, understand, accept a person as is, even if that person doesn't fit our life?

I cannot be the only person with this conundrum. We all have circles of people in our lives, sometimes a person is in the circle because someone else brought them in. How do we accept someone who is so different from us? When almost every part of them is opposite to how we believe, how do you accept that in your circle?

Life is lessons each day, and "these" people do teach us things. Do we want these lessons in the safety and comfort of our homes, where we are supposed to be able to relax and let the world fall off our shoulders? Is it easier to learn this type of lesson that way? Is learning to deal with people you wouldn't choose to be with easier at home, then on the train or in line at supermarket?

We may think the lesson is to learn to deal with people. But what if the lesson is We can't get along with all people? What if the lesson is no matter how much everyone wants it, it might not happen? What if the lesson is how to be around people who irk you successfully? Am I/ you supposed to learn how to deal so we can teach our kids to deal with people they may have to "deal" with in life?

Do I want to teach my son to "put up" with someone who may be rude, challenging, difficult, opposite of his values and teachings? Or, do I want to teach him that there are many people in the world and we can choose which people we want to be with? Am I doing the right thing, if I teach him that he HAS to learn to deal with people that he doesn't want to be around? I'm just not sure.

There will be people around in life that we don't like. I would like, to simply remove myself from their presence. Is that the right thing to do? It can be done respectfully. "The energy you are putting out is too much for me, and/or is disregulating to me" OR " I've made a choice to not be around such anger/upset/etc. , so I'm getting up and leaving now"
(They can choose to be mad at me or insult me for doing so, but that is their choice. I'm in charge of my feelings. Getting up and leaving is taking care of myself.)

Is that not better, than staying and letting my soul get upset and sad? To placate a person, to put up with it, does that help anyone? No, I believe it does not. To let a person be rude or upsetting in our presence is called ENABLING. There are polite ways of letting people know that their behaviours are not something we will put up with in our lives.

We tell our children when their behaviour is unacceptable. At what age do we have to stop doing that? Does life dictate at a certain age, " YOUR Done" all growed up, you may now stay as you are, even if it offends the rest of us.

If your 20/30/40/50 or 60 does that mean you are now to old to be told your behaviour is disrespectful or rude or disregulating to everyone else's flow?

I've removed my son from school, because the people and the energies they put out were counterproductive to the upbringing I'm trying to instill in him. I don't want him to get by, I don't want him to settle. I want him to strive for awesome in everything he does.

If we choose to put up with things in our lives, where does that leave us?

Should we not strive to surround ourselves with love? Should we not strive to remove things that are counterproductive to our lives?

I believe we should.

People are everywhere, I'm not willing to move to the bush (again) with my son. I know we have to remain with everyone, some we'll want to spend time with and some we don't. I want to be open to all of them. Everyone has the potential to be great, to enhance and change our lives in great ways, I want to be open to anyone who has positive lessons for my son and I to learn and grow from.

I can and will choose to empower my life with loving, open, positive, excited people. My life, my energy, my outlook, my output of energy is dependant on me being true to myself. The more I stay true to myself, at all times, the more powerful I become. My energy, my love, my intuition all become more succinct with where I should be, I elevate when I'm with and around good energy. I want that, I owe it to myself and my son to be the best I can be. So I must.

I choose to no longer accept negativity and disrespect in my life. I will allow anyone the chance to bring good energy into our lives, to interact in purposeful, mutually satisfactory ways. I also am reserving the right to walk away from you if you don't. Anyone is welcome, if you bring goodness and light, love and respect, non judgmentalness and understanding. We don't have to always agree, but when we don't.. there must be calm discussion of ideas. I'm not interested in yelling it out, nor do I want to teach my son to do so.

I'm committed to teaching my son that while life does have some conflict, there is a reasonable solution. If there are unreasonable people, I am choosing from now on, to teach him to walk away.

Hypothetical scenario... Pretend your not sure which one is me. And if you get to the end, and think this is really about a broken leg, start over. LOL

One day your son breaks his leg. Poor little guy ;o)

Life must continue, so regardless of the accident, it's essential that he make it down the road to drop off the mail.

One parent thinks "the only way to make something happen is to force it, to make sure it happens AND happens in exactly the way I want it to happen."

"Son, get to the mailbox down the road. No crutches, and if there's something on the way that you discover that makes it easier for you to survive, to make it to the mailbox, don't do it. Unless it looks like something I"m comfortable with and makes me look good to the neighbours"

Kid may make it to the mailbox. But maybe not. Kid might get distracted on the way, his leg is very distracting and throwing his balance off. He sees a few things that might help, goes to get them.. but stops when he remembers that the parent won't be happy and will complain about it.. it's very confusing, "i know this can help me but someone doesn't want me to use it...?" (Being confused, wanting something someone tells you that you shouldn't want is not good for self esteem)



Another parent, let's call her "the mom"

Okay Kiddo, still gotta get down to the mailbox, this is our goal. What will help you to make that goal possible? A crutch? okay. (You'd also like to hum a video game song? okay!)

Kid makes it to the mailbox, with a crutch. Mail gets done! Let's say it again. Mail gets done. The goal is accomplished. Kid feels pride, Kid grows his self esteem. Kid neeed a crutch this time, SO WHAT! He may need a crutch for one more time down that road, or he may need it for 10 more years, so what IF the goals get accomplished.

It may happen that the crutch may change, it might be an uglier crutch than now, gnarly, moldy, boring... but if it is helping him accomplish his goal then we let it help him to his goal. One day he might find a shiny crutch, that is coveted by everyone, and we can all sit around and hear about the awesome crutch.

This crutch right now, for him is important. It's his crutch, doesn't need to be important to you. You have crutches too. What if someone came along and told you,

"Sorry, that annoys me and doesn't fit MY view of you and who you are to me. You just can't use it anymore. Unless of course you take this shiny crutch instead. I know you need a crutch, but i'm only going to accomodate you if you use a crutch that i think is cool and reflects well on me"

( I think if someone said that almost any adult, we'd grab our crutch and hold on for dear life.. and tell them to F right off.. "this is mine..I'm keeping it back off!" kids do this too...)

There are many times in our lives we may need help. For a lot of us, it's a little bit here and there, for others they may need a lot of help. Can we not respect the people that find their individual way thru life, even though their path may be difficult. Can't we respect the person who discovers something that helps them feel complete, or calm, or proud, or interested in life. Who are we to judge another for their interests and the things they need to help themselves cope? If it does not harm you, then leave it be.

And, if you continue to find yourself judging a boy who needs a crutch, perhaps self examination is in order.

A Bend in our River?

When I put Jordan in the DL school we are in now, I chose it because it had classes that we could choose to attend, when it fit our lives to do so. It's an amazing place, I love that it exists!

I realized last night that though I moved to a different school setting, I hadn't let some of my old beliefs about school go, and was automatically assuming we'd get "our" social time through school.. just like we'd hoped to do before.

I decided I wanted us to go to all the classes we could. The first year, he was in the K-2 program which was mostly centers.. and kindergarten type atmosphere (which I loved, as he did) We didnt always attend, if behaviours were awesome then we'd go, if not we'd go spend hours in the park.

Next year, the learning curve went up a bit, and was still okay. Half way thru the year, we were talking about getting an SEA (Special education teacher) for Jordan, she'd help him thru the classes. She came, then we had a IEP, (lndividual Education Plan) and we put effort into attending all the classes. It was becoming oddly like public school. Overall, it has worked, though a lot of the time, I wonder if everyone involved thinks so.

Jordan met a friend in K-2.. Jake. They became buds. We both became buds with their whole awesome family. <3 They hung out in grade 3 as well, Jake is a pretty unique and amazing kid, he really helped Jordan be accepted with the other kids. Jake knew to let Jordan take a minute to have an answer.. Jake knew to get his attention nicely, Jake knows Jordan is cool too.....

All of a sudden, we're going into grade 4, and I find out Jake won't be there! He is going to public school. Last night, Wow! I saw it on FB and I knew like a punch to the gut it meant change for Jordan and I.


As I try to remember.. all change is change, and change is loss, and good or bad.. we may grieve over it. So, I must admit I swore a bit at the fates, how, why... would they do this to Me/Jordan when all is going so... "well... ish...".

As mentioned, I have now realized that I had assumed we'd find our social world thru the center. But, it doesn't have to be that way!

Going there stresses him out, the sitting and the listening and the noise is of much shorter duration but it's still difficult for him. Why would this be the best place to try to be friendly? Do I go to Metrotown and make friends? Metrotown, makes my skin crawl.. my breathing is labored, my anxiety level is high, I just want out.. I don't think I'd do well if I had to pull out the best social skills I possess. The kids there, are not seeing the kid that Jordan can be when he's calm and relaxed and having fun, walking thru the park, chasing crows, laughing and saving the planet!

No wonder it's only been wonderful Jake. His fantastic mom and I met and got us all together outside of class early on. Jake knows Jordan is not ONLY the kid who has to leave over and over in class to calm down. (We will continue to see Jake and family, and I'm so happy cuz they do truly rock.. whichever school he's at Jake is going to do great!)

There is another option. Self Design. If I homeschool thru their program, I would not be able to offer classes at a school setting to Jordan, but I could access $16,000 per year, for academic/physical/social groups/classes/lessons...

Now I think Jake might have done us a big favour! Without the school classes to stress Jordan, perhaps he'd be much more able to be social? And utilizing the money from Self Design I could have him in weekly social groups.. from which we'd very likely, meet similar familes and possibly form some more great relationships....Thru that and our everyday out in the world activities I think we'd have a good balance of social time in the world and the quiet/at home/alone time he needs to process his day..

I am going to process all this. Seems there is a lot of change in the wind... or should I say the River?