A Bend in our River?

When I put Jordan in the DL school we are in now, I chose it because it had classes that we could choose to attend, when it fit our lives to do so. It's an amazing place, I love that it exists!

I realized last night that though I moved to a different school setting, I hadn't let some of my old beliefs about school go, and was automatically assuming we'd get "our" social time through school.. just like we'd hoped to do before.

I decided I wanted us to go to all the classes we could. The first year, he was in the K-2 program which was mostly centers.. and kindergarten type atmosphere (which I loved, as he did) We didnt always attend, if behaviours were awesome then we'd go, if not we'd go spend hours in the park.

Next year, the learning curve went up a bit, and was still okay. Half way thru the year, we were talking about getting an SEA (Special education teacher) for Jordan, she'd help him thru the classes. She came, then we had a IEP, (lndividual Education Plan) and we put effort into attending all the classes. It was becoming oddly like public school. Overall, it has worked, though a lot of the time, I wonder if everyone involved thinks so.

Jordan met a friend in K-2.. Jake. They became buds. We both became buds with their whole awesome family. <3 They hung out in grade 3 as well, Jake is a pretty unique and amazing kid, he really helped Jordan be accepted with the other kids. Jake knew to let Jordan take a minute to have an answer.. Jake knew to get his attention nicely, Jake knows Jordan is cool too.....

All of a sudden, we're going into grade 4, and I find out Jake won't be there! He is going to public school. Last night, Wow! I saw it on FB and I knew like a punch to the gut it meant change for Jordan and I.


As I try to remember.. all change is change, and change is loss, and good or bad.. we may grieve over it. So, I must admit I swore a bit at the fates, how, why... would they do this to Me/Jordan when all is going so... "well... ish...".

As mentioned, I have now realized that I had assumed we'd find our social world thru the center. But, it doesn't have to be that way!

Going there stresses him out, the sitting and the listening and the noise is of much shorter duration but it's still difficult for him. Why would this be the best place to try to be friendly? Do I go to Metrotown and make friends? Metrotown, makes my skin crawl.. my breathing is labored, my anxiety level is high, I just want out.. I don't think I'd do well if I had to pull out the best social skills I possess. The kids there, are not seeing the kid that Jordan can be when he's calm and relaxed and having fun, walking thru the park, chasing crows, laughing and saving the planet!

No wonder it's only been wonderful Jake. His fantastic mom and I met and got us all together outside of class early on. Jake knows Jordan is not ONLY the kid who has to leave over and over in class to calm down. (We will continue to see Jake and family, and I'm so happy cuz they do truly rock.. whichever school he's at Jake is going to do great!)

There is another option. Self Design. If I homeschool thru their program, I would not be able to offer classes at a school setting to Jordan, but I could access $16,000 per year, for academic/physical/social groups/classes/lessons...

Now I think Jake might have done us a big favour! Without the school classes to stress Jordan, perhaps he'd be much more able to be social? And utilizing the money from Self Design I could have him in weekly social groups.. from which we'd very likely, meet similar familes and possibly form some more great relationships....Thru that and our everyday out in the world activities I think we'd have a good balance of social time in the world and the quiet/at home/alone time he needs to process his day..

I am going to process all this. Seems there is a lot of change in the wind... or should I say the River?

out of head onto paper

Let's see.. if I let all these thoughts flowing around swirly in my head, let them out? see what happens...


1st swirly thought today -
What you get out is what you put in/ reap what you sow/ give & receive etc... If you tell someone they are rotten, guess how they will behave? If you talk down to someone always, why would they strive to rise? If you want to know why someone is behaving in a certain way, yelling will not get you an answer. If you want to be treated with respect, you must treat others with respect. If there is a problem, especially with children, we must emulate proper behaviour AND as we are only human, if we "mess" up and show inappropriate behaviour, as we all will at some point, then we need to explain and/or apologize to our children and explain what proper behaviour would be. Our challenges are a bigger lesson for our kids than our easy days. If your having a problem with your child, in my opinion you need first to look at your own behaviour, and ask yourself what you are teaching!

2nd swirly topic -
So proud of myself! Took 1.5 hours this morning but I successfully removed a virus from my computer! Patiently, didn't swear one time, explained to Jordan what I was doing as I went!

Same topic - can't stop being choked that I had to remove virus this morning... it was supposed to be gone when I got up this morning. Seems fair that the person who presses the button allowing the virus to enter should be the one removing it.. However...

I will choose to take this a victory for me.. and allow the negative to leave.
I am a champion, not a victim! Woo Hoo!

3rd swirly topic -
Balance! Maintaining balance. I have such grand ideas every Sunday night/Monday AM, such balance I'll acheive with Jordan.. we'll work/chores/learn/play/clean/walk etc etc.. but then the day starts.. today's day began with him and his dad fighting at my door at 7 AM. My understanding and confidence in my day begins deflating at that point. "damage control" "raise self esteem" shine like lights in my head..I know already, I can't "push" him to complete today... today's balance will be about boosting self esteem, talking about problems, learning to talk to someone your disagreeing with.. and I'll have to be okay if we don't do math pages. Again.

My inner teacher says I must /must/MUST do more academic work.. My SELF says... "If we teach him math, but not how to deal with the world, he'll be a smart adult, all alone in his room playing video games" If he is confident, able to speak and interact in the world, with peers, with those who can teach him in life, if he can handle insults at 7 AM, not internalize that crap, and still face the day with a smile.. then he'll get math later won't he?


Last swirly topic
LOL - pretty much the same as above.... dealing with the various people in our lives can be very difficult. I need to remember more often, that these people are all in my life to teach me a lesson, sometimes that lesson is easy to see, sometimes not so much. Sometimes the reward is small... sometimes the reward is the most love I could ever imagaine possible.. Thank you Jordan, for making it ALL worthwhile.