Wednesday, September 4, 2013

40 CONSCIOUS years!

I had an epiphany last weekend. Walking along my favorite neighbourhood path, enjoying the day... AGH! litter. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with anger,grief, disgust.. "how can people think this is okay" "how can anyone be so asleep in this world.. so unconscious of their behaviours?" "how can i continue to be conscious, when it hurts so much every day, to see how many people live with their head in the sand?" Moving on to wishing I too, could have moments where I could live unconsciously. That i could walk down the street, without noticing litter, smoking, pesticide use, cars idling, walmart shoppers ETC. I stayed there, in those thoughts, for a few minutes, in sadness.. thinking of living unconsciously. How sad it would be, to live the opposite of the flow of the planet around me. I pondered that at "the end" will those people with their heads buried in the sand.. will they have a final moment of AHAH! will they be ashamed, disgusted, overwhelmed with how disconnected they were.. will they silently beg the universe to do it all again? I will not. Suddenly, my outlook changed.. and GRATEFULNESS consumed me. I wished aloud as i walked down the street, for a place to sit and reflect (jot some notes so I would not forget these deep thoughts) AND.. it was given to me. Someone put a large stump on the side of the road, nestled in some tall grass.. a nature throne.. for me to sit on right then and there! I sat. I closed my eyes and let the gratefulness wash over me and through me. My 40th birthday is less than a month away.. I realized it's approximately..the half way point of my life. I've lived 40, and now I have 40 more years to go. 40 CONSCIOUS YEARS AHEAD! There will not be 1 conscious moment at the end of my life. I have been given the gift, from myself, of 40 YEARS to be in conscious partnership with myself, my planet, my son, my peoples! It is overwhelming to think of the scope of that gift. Sharing thoughts and ideas for the next 40 years, feeling that amazing uplfiting feeling all thru my body, when i can connect with another human, connect with nature, connect with myself and my deepest thoughts and insights. All that is now there for me... for 40 years! I also gave thanks to the 40 years that got me here! And I reflected on how all the years I've had.. built to this. Every smile, every heartache, every easy and hard lesson I lived thru led me to this GIFT! I realized the first 10 years of life.. are the being born years, born into the world.. into a family, sometimes a philosphy.. limbs, brain, heart growing. up to 20 - is growing more.. realziing you are more.. then your body, more than your family.. you fit or don't fit.. in the holes your family life have created around you. up to 30 - rebellion. Rebellion years are still within the paramaters of societal norms. We in this age, are learning to be what society says we are... even while they are "rebelling" Discovering there is some room in these holes..and you could live comfortably there.. along with all of society up to 40 - a catalyst! For me it was a son with Autism. We, hopefully, will all have something to spur us to look at our lives and see if these holes were in do indeed fit. I believe most will adjust.. will continue following societal norms, begin, if they haven't already, the process of digging a hole for their head to fit into.. but.. we don't have to. Some choose to build a way out of the holes! Some will, as I did, become STRONG. A force for MYSELF. I looked at my 40 years and realized they were all a gift in the making.. 40 years to unwrap the next 40! I will have ups and downs, i will feel extreme emotions, I will have to work hard to acheive all i want. but it will be in harmony with the planet. The universe will feel that we are on the same wavelength and strive to give me what i want.. it will all come to me now. 40 CONSCIOUS YEARS AHEAD! WOW!