Being Grateful

*yes.. we are aware the word grateful is here 1 zillion times. We like life that way*

It's Thanksgiving weekend. I have no problem recalling all I am grateful for. There is so much.

I give thanks every day for the blessed life I have. EVERY day, I remind myself how blessed I am to have MY life.

I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful that I have free will. I'm grateful to live in a country where I'm able to use my free will and make my own choices, whatever they may be. With these things, I'm good to go. Thank you.

I'm grateful for everyone I've crossed paths with, they contributed to who I am today. Thank you.

I'm grateful for every mistake I've ever made, each experience helped me learn right/wrong, good/bad, also helping me be who I am today. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the copious amounts of SHIT other people brought to my life, somehow it was meant to make me grow, and often it did. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the challenges, all the things in life that made me buck up and face new things, they all helped me be stronger and stretch boundaries. Thank you.

I'm particularly grateful for the challenge of Autism. My son has brought intense joy, astronomical growth and richer, deeper love in so many of us. Thank you.

I'm grateful that I have a curious mind, and I'm able to access information and resources in many ways in my free country. I'm able to learn anything I wish, as much as I wish. Thank you.

I'm grateful for all of that big stuff, growing/learning stuff, and I'm so grateful for the daily joys, laughs, hugs and experiences I have on a day to day basis in this awesome world. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the people I can talk to. The people who make me laugh. My son! My Mom! My family. My girls. And all people in my family and circles that I've cultivated strong awesome relationships with. I'm grateful for all the people who inspire me, the people who teach me, The people who fight for the planet and the people who pioneer and light the way for positive growth! Thank you all.

I'm grateful for Gardening, soil, seeds, Vegetables, Fruit, Ethical/Sustainable food of all kinds,and BEING ABLE TO ACCESS THEM! Cooking, and the ability to learn to cook all the wonderful bounty I bring home!! MMMMMMM. Thank you.

I'm grateful that I live free in Canada, in Beautiful BC's most amazing city - Vancouver! I'm so grateful I can spend most of my days with my amazing son, travelling our city, learning, seeing, wondering together. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the Internet and Social Media. It's made it possible for us to connnect and share and learn and communicate like never before! Thank you.

I'm grateful that I've begun writing again and that a few people choose to read it. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the laws of karma and doing good! I'm grateful I deserved to, and managed to, bring a business home and work here and support my family for 10 years! Thank you.

I'm grateful for Music! Dark chocolate, Wii, Brett Dennen, Anne Rice, Al Gore, GreenPeace, Marc Emery,My TrackBall Mouse, Gluten Free Phil, Black Forest Bacon, Cast Iron,Heritage Meats, Cathedral World, Aquarium, Protesting, Vinegar & baking soda, digital cameras, Goats, Bokashi Bucket, Computers, Water Filters, Fridge, washer & dryer, public transit, organic food at Costco, My juicer, internet TV, Micheal Moore, chlorine free recycled kleenex,Bamboo utensils, Terracycle, Independent organic farmers, Dark (ethical) coffee with stevia and Almond breeze in the morning, my thesaurus, Scrabble, Sequence, Sun Yun Set Gardens, Lantern Festivals, Inukshuks, Waterfalls, Sunny Days, 4:20, Alaskan King Crab, Farmville (YES Farmville!)Value Village, Oprah, Survivor, Democracy, Playland, Dancing in the Kitchen.. and lots, lots more. Thank you.

Today I woke up thankful to be in the middle of a long weekend. My son, who is the best son in the universe.. is with his father for this long weekend, and I'm grateful to know they will have fun. I won't miss him "too much".

I'm grateful I'm able to have some free time. I'm very aware there are many who do not have a minute to themselves. I played on FB, I sang and danced with Brett Dennen and I prepped in the kitchen. I'm so very grateful that I'm able to have hours to do that. Later, I walked to Deer Lake, a large city lake, 5 min away. I am so thankful, I can go there whenver I want, and that today I did choose to go over by myself. I was able to take my time and sit on whatever bench I wanted, stop and take pictures of anything I wanted, for as long as I wanted.

It is so easy to be grateful when your sitting in a park. It is so easy to find beauty in the world, we just have to look for it. "Look,there it is."

The more I am grateful, the more I find to be grateful for. I am blessed. And If I choose to look at it that way, that's how it is and will be.

There is stuff in life that isn't always pretty/great/fun. I live through days that suck, we all do. We all have shit filled days sometimes, but they are just moments, and they pass. Especially if we are grateful, each day for each thing.

Try it. Be grateful more than one weekend a year, and see what happens.


Thank you.

It's simple - Is it a sad day or a happy day?

If you argue with the above statement, I probably won't convince you otherwise.

But, it is simple.

Every person wakes up in the morning. Every person puts their feet to the floor and begins the day.

There are people in the world sorting thru dumps all day with smiles on their faces, and there are executives waking up in mansions ready to go to Maui, that hate their lives.

I don't know that all happy people, conciously ask each morning, but I know that it is their decision. Today, I choose to be positive/happy. Today, I choose to see the bright side of life, I choose to "win some or learn some" (love that line from Jason Mraz " I'm yours") Today I choose to realize that not all moments will be joy filled, but they will all be authentic, they will all be moments I can learn from. I will have experiences today, good and not so good, that will help me become who I want to be, moments that challenge me, push me, help me see how far I've grown.


Others, you've met them I'm sure, choose to lament their life all day. "Poor me, poor me, why me, why now"

Our North American culture, promotes the idea that happiness is a given. We should all be happy all the time, it's possible to be happy all the time, don't you know? Buy more, do more, shop more, talk more, watch more and you'll be happy. If your not, perhaps something is wrong with you? You must need a better job, more money so you can buy more.. that will make you happy!

Who told us that happiness is a right? Who told us if your not smiling 24/7 something is wrong with you? Who made us beleive that we are better, if we're happy, that we don't belong, if we're not "happy" all the time?

I am at my personal best, when I remind myself of the phrase " 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows" Life is 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. there will be both. That's it. There will be and there is nothing you can do about it. Realizing it's so, means that when the sorrows come, you see them for what they are, lessons. Important lessons to teach you to become who you're meant to.

Sorrows are necessary, to show us what the joys are. To help us experience the joys, we need the sorrows. When we see "sorrows" as lessons, they then become joys! "Thank you universe for this lesson, so I can be a better me!"

I challenge you to remember that in your day. Wake up and decide what kind of day you will have, and if it's a day with some "sorrows" see them for what they are, lessons to amplify your joys!

10,000 joys, 10,000 sorrows. Repeat when necessary.

Do we need to learn from EVERYONE?

Never linger too long with the ignorant, throw stones at their talk. Walk only with the lovers, the mirror of the soul gets rusty when dipped in muddy water. - Rumi

Saw this on a post this morning, and it resonates with me today.

However, I'm confused how/if that fits with my other teachings. Forgiveness, understanding, acceptance of others.

Do we look at each situation individually in our lives and decide then? Can both philosophies be correct?

Do we/can we walk away? Do we suck it up and forgive, understand, accept a person as is, even if that person doesn't fit our life?

I cannot be the only person with this conundrum. We all have circles of people in our lives, sometimes a person is in the circle because someone else brought them in. How do we accept someone who is so different from us? When almost every part of them is opposite to how we believe, how do you accept that in your circle?

Life is lessons each day, and "these" people do teach us things. Do we want these lessons in the safety and comfort of our homes, where we are supposed to be able to relax and let the world fall off our shoulders? Is it easier to learn this type of lesson that way? Is learning to deal with people you wouldn't choose to be with easier at home, then on the train or in line at supermarket?

We may think the lesson is to learn to deal with people. But what if the lesson is We can't get along with all people? What if the lesson is no matter how much everyone wants it, it might not happen? What if the lesson is how to be around people who irk you successfully? Am I/ you supposed to learn how to deal so we can teach our kids to deal with people they may have to "deal" with in life?

Do I want to teach my son to "put up" with someone who may be rude, challenging, difficult, opposite of his values and teachings? Or, do I want to teach him that there are many people in the world and we can choose which people we want to be with? Am I doing the right thing, if I teach him that he HAS to learn to deal with people that he doesn't want to be around? I'm just not sure.

There will be people around in life that we don't like. I would like, to simply remove myself from their presence. Is that the right thing to do? It can be done respectfully. "The energy you are putting out is too much for me, and/or is disregulating to me" OR " I've made a choice to not be around such anger/upset/etc. , so I'm getting up and leaving now"
(They can choose to be mad at me or insult me for doing so, but that is their choice. I'm in charge of my feelings. Getting up and leaving is taking care of myself.)

Is that not better, than staying and letting my soul get upset and sad? To placate a person, to put up with it, does that help anyone? No, I believe it does not. To let a person be rude or upsetting in our presence is called ENABLING. There are polite ways of letting people know that their behaviours are not something we will put up with in our lives.

We tell our children when their behaviour is unacceptable. At what age do we have to stop doing that? Does life dictate at a certain age, " YOUR Done" all growed up, you may now stay as you are, even if it offends the rest of us.

If your 20/30/40/50 or 60 does that mean you are now to old to be told your behaviour is disrespectful or rude or disregulating to everyone else's flow?

I've removed my son from school, because the people and the energies they put out were counterproductive to the upbringing I'm trying to instill in him. I don't want him to get by, I don't want him to settle. I want him to strive for awesome in everything he does.

If we choose to put up with things in our lives, where does that leave us?

Should we not strive to surround ourselves with love? Should we not strive to remove things that are counterproductive to our lives?

I believe we should.

People are everywhere, I'm not willing to move to the bush (again) with my son. I know we have to remain with everyone, some we'll want to spend time with and some we don't. I want to be open to all of them. Everyone has the potential to be great, to enhance and change our lives in great ways, I want to be open to anyone who has positive lessons for my son and I to learn and grow from.

I can and will choose to empower my life with loving, open, positive, excited people. My life, my energy, my outlook, my output of energy is dependant on me being true to myself. The more I stay true to myself, at all times, the more powerful I become. My energy, my love, my intuition all become more succinct with where I should be, I elevate when I'm with and around good energy. I want that, I owe it to myself and my son to be the best I can be. So I must.

I choose to no longer accept negativity and disrespect in my life. I will allow anyone the chance to bring good energy into our lives, to interact in purposeful, mutually satisfactory ways. I also am reserving the right to walk away from you if you don't. Anyone is welcome, if you bring goodness and light, love and respect, non judgmentalness and understanding. We don't have to always agree, but when we don't.. there must be calm discussion of ideas. I'm not interested in yelling it out, nor do I want to teach my son to do so.

I'm committed to teaching my son that while life does have some conflict, there is a reasonable solution. If there are unreasonable people, I am choosing from now on, to teach him to walk away.

Freedom of Choice

One of our most important freedoms is our freedom of choice. We cling to it, we shout it out whenever someone ventures an opinion on our choices. We are allowed in our country, to make our own choices, regardless if others like them or not.

As long as our choices are not harming others; but who judges that?

Let's pretend we are looking inside a sanitorium. The people inside, have been placed here, some against their will, some voluntarily checked in. They have been proclaimed ill by someone, and they are being "taken care of"

If a patient were to decide one day, to start picking up shit and eating it, We'd expect that someone in charge; someone watching out for this "sick" person would intervene. We'd expect, that someone would say, "This is not good for you, and whether you like it or not, I have to remove the shit from your hands,your pockets, wherever else you have stashed it.. so you won't eat it"

(and if everyone started eating shit.. wouldn't we kindly but firmly remove it all?)

We would all agree this is the right thing. Shit is not for eating. Someone unable to make intellingent, relevant, safe choices for themselves, should be helped. Most of us are compassionate and understanding enough to beleive this.

I'll drop the parable now, and say..

I feel our country is sick. Our people need help, and whether you like it or not, the shit you put in your mouth needs to be removed. And, as the whole country is not listening, not caring how sick their familes are getting, someone has to say "For the good of all, for the continuation of our species and the health of everyone we are removing the shit food from your hands, pockets and everywhere your stashing it"


http://www.naturalnews.com/029776_public_schools_Mexico.html

Mexico is banning shit food from schools! They are not going to allow their population to continue this way, individuals are not making the decisions they need to be healthy, so the decision is being made for them.

I understand it's a slippery slope, BUT Personal freedom will mean nothing, if everyone is dying and obese or toxically crazy. I absolutley know shit food can affect your thinking, your energy, your concentration.
(Remember the mayor in Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs? If we don't change this will be our life.. do you want him in charge of your country?)

Will we have to declare that only organic eaters can be in charge? It's ridiculous, but makes sense too. I do not beleive that a politican who eats the crap on our shelves, will be pushing for the world that I want and need to live in. If he's going to eat at fast food places, he's not going to be doing everything he can to push a new bill to ban junk food, like Mexico did.

I don't know what the answer is, except in my own home. I have to admit, I laugh to myself a lot about "them". Those who eat crap.. those whose genetics are now proving to fail.. those who hear but do nothing.. trans fat, GMO, HFCS, Mcdonalds loving semi humans. Your DNA doesn't resemble what it used to! It is proven that more people are becoming sterile, becoming ill, passing on more mutating genes.. those people are being removed by evolution. I'm sorry, but I laugh, cause it's amazing that no one seems to care. The reality is everywhere, this SHIT will kill you but you continue to go there, to eat it, to shove it in, passing on patterns to your kids.. teaching them how to be sick and to have a short life.

It's a horrible, scary laugh, it's full of fear, disgust and dissapointment..and it's better than crying for you.

Lies the Newspapers tell us

I don't have cable TV and I have no subscription papers coming to my door. My belief (the truth) is that mass media is massively biased. I also personally feel it is too negative focused, but that's another story.

To pass the time, I will pick up the local daily papers that people drop on the floor of the bus.

Last week, picked up a 24Hrs, and read an article titled:

"Canada's at the Head of North America's snack pack, says study"
In a nutshell, the study says that Canadians eat more snacks than our neighbours to the south. Study says that Canadians aren't hesitant to eat between meals, a trend that sees us snacking more than them. In the past decade, Snacking has become our fastest eating occasion! Oh No!

Ha Ha! This article spoke to me as a good example of media skewing information. I ripped it off and stuck it in my purse!

The author seemed to be trying to say this was a negative. Boo Canadians for snacking more. I find that odd because we, in many other (All?) other studies are healthier, lighter, live longer than those in the US.

This study he refers to, does not mention, nor does he anywhere in the article tell the readers what KIND of snacking is going on in our country. Because of our fast food world and media programming most people see a picture of S.H.I.T food (Soda.Hamurgers.Icecream.Tacos)when they hear/read the words "snack food".

Average She on the bus, will read said article and believe that Canadians are now hoarking on SHIT food at a faster than ever pace.

BUT.. Canadians ARE healthier, lighter, live longer than our counterparts down below!!! Canadians buy massive amounts of trail mix and granola! (Especially here in BC.)

The truth is snacks between meals are healthy for us, and in Canada we have choices and we use them. We are buying more and more healthy foods, organic foods, and that includes snacks, than ever before. In our country, most kids know what vegetables look like, and they eat lots of apples! Why did the article not say some of these things?

A couple more sentences and people might come away feeling even better about being Canadian, maybe proud of themselves for making healthy choices. A couple of sentences would have changed the article.

So why? I very much hope that it was an incomplete thought, that the writer ran out of time? I hope it was not an editor asked to remove it from the work, maybe big FRIED oil owns their newspaper?

I honestly know nothing about the ownership of 24Hrs, nor do I need to. I read this article and it just pissed me off for it's incompleteness and the negative skew it projected. I see it as a perfect example of a blatantly imperfect mass media system. This article will most likely not change someones life forever, but there are bigger stories and bigger papers with bigger reasons to spin us a tale in someones favour. They might change people's lives forever.

Some people let the media tell them how to live their whole lives, I hope that for their sake, those in charge (McDonald's,BP,MONSANTO etc.) think carefully about what information they choose to put out. "They" are listening to you, watching and reading you everyday, I beg you to please try to give them an accurate picture of the world. Don't harm them too much (more)

What I'm supposed to do...

I'm going to do this forever.

Share, write, tell, inform, scare, bother, harp on, tattle, shout, confess.. I'm going to do this for you, and ultimately for me.

I'm informing the world of my intent that not only will I continue to rant and spew and sing poetic in your browser, but I will be paid for it.. and soon after that paid WELL for it. (muah ha ha and on that note.. subsribe/follow my blog when you get to the end ;o)

When I'm able to learn and to search, to scan and file information I'm excited, When I'm collecting, reading and circling, I'm in my zone! Learning STUFF, experiencing life in my unique way is wonderful. But suddenly it's IMMENSE and FULL and EMPOWERING to be able to share it.

I can come here with my feelings,thoughts, knowledge and daily trivias and let them come out of me and form a picture. It's immensely therapeutic to give that picture away.

It is the sum of the equation of the day. How this day, and the life I've had up until this day look and feel and come together for me. what does all of it up til now conjure up in this brain in a coherent way on this particular day?


I'm proud to realize that I can do this well. It's okay to be proud of things we are good at! It's RIGHT to find what you love and to do it. I'm going too!

Thank you for reading. I hope you continue to do so. I hope we can dialouge often about things you might read here.. or anything else that tickles your fancy on this particular day.

Hypothetical scenario... Pretend your not sure which one is me. And if you get to the end, and think this is really about a broken leg, start over. LOL

One day your son breaks his leg. Poor little guy ;o)

Life must continue, so regardless of the accident, it's essential that he make it down the road to drop off the mail.

One parent thinks "the only way to make something happen is to force it, to make sure it happens AND happens in exactly the way I want it to happen."

"Son, get to the mailbox down the road. No crutches, and if there's something on the way that you discover that makes it easier for you to survive, to make it to the mailbox, don't do it. Unless it looks like something I"m comfortable with and makes me look good to the neighbours"

Kid may make it to the mailbox. But maybe not. Kid might get distracted on the way, his leg is very distracting and throwing his balance off. He sees a few things that might help, goes to get them.. but stops when he remembers that the parent won't be happy and will complain about it.. it's very confusing, "i know this can help me but someone doesn't want me to use it...?" (Being confused, wanting something someone tells you that you shouldn't want is not good for self esteem)



Another parent, let's call her "the mom"

Okay Kiddo, still gotta get down to the mailbox, this is our goal. What will help you to make that goal possible? A crutch? okay. (You'd also like to hum a video game song? okay!)

Kid makes it to the mailbox, with a crutch. Mail gets done! Let's say it again. Mail gets done. The goal is accomplished. Kid feels pride, Kid grows his self esteem. Kid neeed a crutch this time, SO WHAT! He may need a crutch for one more time down that road, or he may need it for 10 more years, so what IF the goals get accomplished.

It may happen that the crutch may change, it might be an uglier crutch than now, gnarly, moldy, boring... but if it is helping him accomplish his goal then we let it help him to his goal. One day he might find a shiny crutch, that is coveted by everyone, and we can all sit around and hear about the awesome crutch.

This crutch right now, for him is important. It's his crutch, doesn't need to be important to you. You have crutches too. What if someone came along and told you,

"Sorry, that annoys me and doesn't fit MY view of you and who you are to me. You just can't use it anymore. Unless of course you take this shiny crutch instead. I know you need a crutch, but i'm only going to accomodate you if you use a crutch that i think is cool and reflects well on me"

( I think if someone said that almost any adult, we'd grab our crutch and hold on for dear life.. and tell them to F right off.. "this is mine..I'm keeping it back off!" kids do this too...)

There are many times in our lives we may need help. For a lot of us, it's a little bit here and there, for others they may need a lot of help. Can we not respect the people that find their individual way thru life, even though their path may be difficult. Can't we respect the person who discovers something that helps them feel complete, or calm, or proud, or interested in life. Who are we to judge another for their interests and the things they need to help themselves cope? If it does not harm you, then leave it be.

And, if you continue to find yourself judging a boy who needs a crutch, perhaps self examination is in order.

Fish Lake Etc.

My idea to blog about my feelings regarding Fish Lake, came after a bus ride yesterday. I was reading an article in the Epoch times entitled "Controversial mine could get green light despite opposition"

I'd forgotten to add my journal to my purse,and ended up scribbling all over the newspaper, circling points I argued with. Grumbling aloud on the bus I must have been, for some, their "crazy person on the bus today"

"Your welcome!" I say to them. LOL.

Anyhow, Fish Lake. It is in Northern BC, not far from Williams Lake. It's also near other northern communities, I think of it as near Williams Lake, as I have family there, and this directly affects them. So while I oppose so many things about this proposed project, I'm always aware of the impact of both my protest and the mine on their lives and community.

Truthfully, I could not even describe the scope of the project to you. I know that overall, it is proposed that they open a huge mine. They will close and/or wreck minimum 3 lakes and lots of land will be forever changed. The first nations people are screaming loudly, as well they should. There will be massive destruction to nature and land, irrepreable damage. If you haven't heard anything about it, I suggest that you go read about it.

There are a few different points on my mind, around this topic, I'd like to lay them out for you here.

As mentioned, I have family up north. They live up there with their familes and their friends, trying to get along the best they can, just like the rest of us. Our Northern forestry industry has changed a lot in the last years, the pine beetle has taken away trees and jobs. It is my understanding that jobs have been declining there for quite a while, I suspect it's not only the pine beetle's fault.

When the Fish Lake discussions hit facebook, my sister posted - "Before you sign petitions against it.. Please understand our community needs jobs"

I paused for about a day, but soon realized I can't let this stop me from pursuing the paths I feel are right. I pondered how everywhere on our planet, there are injustices against nature, and in all of those places there are people.

If I didn't speak out against this injustice because my much loved sister lives there, then what is to stop my mom fighing nestle robbing the rainforests cause her sister vacations there? or my neighbour from fighting BP, cause his cousin's sisters ex mother in law knows someone who works there? Sounds crazy, but where would the line get drawn if I choose my sister and her brood over the planet and it's ability to sustain human life?

I love my sister. My neighbour can care about his cousins sister's ex.. BUT.. we can still stand up for what we believe in. My neighbour and I must also understand that those on the other side of the issue have two choices.. they can choose to respect us for standing up for what we beleive in OR they can be mad. They can choose to not speak to us. We will have to accept that. I do. I accept that you have the right to your reaction. I will be respectful and hope you will too.

In the article I read, amongst the sentences like "irreversible environmental impact", It said the mine will have a 22 year life. PAUSE. WHAT! 22 yrs. That's it. All these problems for a mere 22 years. This part of BC has been dwindling for at least that long I would suspect. They plan on wrecking it, for 22 years of jobs. How many will actually be put to work anyway? Does anyone realize that if it's only open 22 years, that the young men who go to work now, will in 22 years have children who are in an even worse position as they find themselves in now?
Those kids will grow up unable to enjoy nature they way their parents did. 3 less lakes to fish in, countless others possibly polluted nearby. Wildlife patterns will change for sure. Would you want to eat a deer that may have drank from a trailings pond? Your natural wonderland, won't be so wonderful for them. When they grow up there's nothing left there for them so most will be forced to leave or wait til more temporary jobs get created, probably with more harm to their environment.

As I finished the article I remembered that a more nomadic life is part of our human experience, and perhaps we are becoming humans that get too attached to one place. We don't live in an age anymore, where a home is passed thru generations. And perhaps that's a good thing. We are evolving, and as we do.. I think we will want to pass on experience not possessions.

What if a town like Williams Lake, begins when people gather in the area as there is an abundance of trees to utulize.. some stay and raise a family while they sustainably log some trees for the use of the people. In time, a small commmunity is created, and hopefully thru mutual trade of goods and services.. all help each other survive. THEN.. when sustainable use of trees is no longer a viable option, instead of continuing to log, creating temporary bandaids and raping the land.. people realzie it's okay to move on.

"we have each other, we had a great time here, we learnt a lot.. let's go elsewhere now and spread this knowlege and learn some thing new"


These people would realize they don't need to hold onto a big house, with tons of possesions, they would not need to gather self esteem from the accumulation of goods, it would be the accumulation of knowledge and belonging and community that would raise the collective self esteem.

(Raised self esteem would bring new ideas to prosper and people with new ideas aren't often called rednecks.. just saying..lol)

If with all your might, with both hands, your pulling and struggling to hold onto something dead and done.. you have no hands available to stretch and be open to something new and alive and different. Is that not what so many communites are doing? I am convinced that if they stopped struggling and fighting to hold onto old ways, new ideas and opportunities could abound. Often new opportunity will only come to us when we open ourselves and our minds to the possibility of change.

There is another important thing that happened in Williams Lake, that I beleive affected the public reactions to the mine opening. This huge problem is occuring in a lot of communities and it will continue to affect these communities, until people begin to realize the power each dollar they spend has.

WALMART.

I remember hearing from my family up there and seeing on facebook, how excited everyone was that WalMart was coming. Even before it opened, I tried to explain that Walmart would not be helpful to their community.

(A note that Walmart is in my opinion, the most notorius for killing community, but every where you spend a dollar is a decision to support or not suppport your community/local economy. Consider Costco as another example. If you live in a ranchland area, you should go to a ranch and buy meat.. going to Costco to buy your meat is an insult to your neighbours, your planet AND your palette!)

Apparently opening day was "fun" (Fun to me is not a huge warehouse of disgusting plastic chemical smell, vat size tubs of margarnine on sale and 80% off anything with red dye #40)

Skip ahead a few years, and their main street is not the same. Small business, cannot compete with WalMart if the town chooses to shop there. It just cannot. Each business that closes has impact on your community. More businesses close, more people need jobs. Now all the teens and grandmas work at WalMart and all the moms and dads NEED Jobs. And even if by stroke of luck, a small business did manage to stay open, people can only afford to spend their money on rollover prices at Walmart. Eating for dinner whatevers on sale at Walmart today!

Now they're desperate, now they applaud when someone sings "Prosperity MIne! We'll bring you prosperity!"

If all of us, everyday, thought "how can I live sustainably today? How can I have a lower impact on the planet and make it last longer for generations to come? What could I alter in my plans so the outcome is the best for all"

Imagine what we could accomplish.

Unfortunately, we are not shown how to plan ahead. We live in a fast food society, and we are taught to think that way as well. What if we stopped to process our decisions? Perhaps we all need to sit down and eat together again, perhaps chewing and listening, would help us process, help us discuss and to listen to the people who we are sharing the planet with. Talk and listen, listen and discuss, with the people that matter in our life. If small groups could begin talking, then bigger groups could begin talking. Awareness of consequences, thoughtfullness on decisions would make a huge impact. We'd make decisions from a knowledge base, not a fear base more often.

I guess I would hope I could jump back a few years and say to my family "can I give my opinion on why you might wanna reconsider being happy Walmart wants to come to town" and I would hope they could listen to me, and know it's from love, that it is my hope for long term sustainability of happiness in their family that I want for them, not lower everyday prices.

My sister is incredibly strong, and she's flexible. I'm happy to know her family will survive no matter what. I'm not sure about all the rest of the residents. I will continue to fightagainst Prosperity mine opening at Fish Lake, so I hope they find jobs elsewhere cause if I have anything to do with it, they'll be moving on before they're working at a place that is detrimental to MY planet.

A Positive Confrontation

You may or may not know, I live in a house with my son and a roomate.

He and I (roommate) were overdue for a discussion, well overdue. I have for as long as I can recall been allergic to confrontation. Dry heaves, hyperventaliting were common not to long ago.

It is a story for another day; "How the universe presented me ample opportunities to become accoustomed to confronting people without medical assistance"

So, I'm able to confront when I have to; still don't like it at all.

It turned out really great! Kinda naturally began,(hurray) and I wanted to express how amazing, a small change in the conversation really helped the flow and the end result.

There was/is something going on a lot that I didn't like (*not gonna post..it could be anything, doesn't change the story :o) I didn't like it, it happened often. We all have something with people we live with. He didn't like my reaction to it.

*if you can't insert a behaviour.I can suggest square dancing on the table OR too many headstands on the couch

We started off talking about it, suddenly I said
"let's call it the behaviour and my reaction to the behaviour"

Wow. It took the emotional factor out of each sentence. It is not personal, it is not an attack on your person. There is this thing, one thing (and maybe there's more but one at a time would be best I think) I didn't need to repeat the behaviour to him, and in the long run we've now found a way to discuss anything. Because it could work for anything.

"can we please talk about _______ . Which we will now call the behaviour. and how I feel about the behaviour. How do you feel about this behaviour" etc...

So Grateful for Jordan <3 and all the people we've met together. They taught me, and reminded me over and over, Behaviour is communication. All Behaviour is communication. Our children and Ourselves. We tell people a lot about ourselves in our behaviour.

I'm glad that instead of continuing to be annoyed with this behaviour, that it is now discussed. For now, it's out of me, I'm glad to not carry anxiety I don't need.

I'm learning to have great souls around me, wonderful people who are mostly on the same path in life. For them, I should drop the word confrontation, and for all of our sakes just let it out.. "hey friend, can we talk about this behaviour/thing/sentence?" We all deserve that. They do and I do. I know I will strive for this now. My friends and loved ones are invited to prompt me when necessary. Thanks in advance.

A Bend in our River?

When I put Jordan in the DL school we are in now, I chose it because it had classes that we could choose to attend, when it fit our lives to do so. It's an amazing place, I love that it exists!

I realized last night that though I moved to a different school setting, I hadn't let some of my old beliefs about school go, and was automatically assuming we'd get "our" social time through school.. just like we'd hoped to do before.

I decided I wanted us to go to all the classes we could. The first year, he was in the K-2 program which was mostly centers.. and kindergarten type atmosphere (which I loved, as he did) We didnt always attend, if behaviours were awesome then we'd go, if not we'd go spend hours in the park.

Next year, the learning curve went up a bit, and was still okay. Half way thru the year, we were talking about getting an SEA (Special education teacher) for Jordan, she'd help him thru the classes. She came, then we had a IEP, (lndividual Education Plan) and we put effort into attending all the classes. It was becoming oddly like public school. Overall, it has worked, though a lot of the time, I wonder if everyone involved thinks so.

Jordan met a friend in K-2.. Jake. They became buds. We both became buds with their whole awesome family. <3 They hung out in grade 3 as well, Jake is a pretty unique and amazing kid, he really helped Jordan be accepted with the other kids. Jake knew to let Jordan take a minute to have an answer.. Jake knew to get his attention nicely, Jake knows Jordan is cool too.....

All of a sudden, we're going into grade 4, and I find out Jake won't be there! He is going to public school. Last night, Wow! I saw it on FB and I knew like a punch to the gut it meant change for Jordan and I.


As I try to remember.. all change is change, and change is loss, and good or bad.. we may grieve over it. So, I must admit I swore a bit at the fates, how, why... would they do this to Me/Jordan when all is going so... "well... ish...".

As mentioned, I have now realized that I had assumed we'd find our social world thru the center. But, it doesn't have to be that way!

Going there stresses him out, the sitting and the listening and the noise is of much shorter duration but it's still difficult for him. Why would this be the best place to try to be friendly? Do I go to Metrotown and make friends? Metrotown, makes my skin crawl.. my breathing is labored, my anxiety level is high, I just want out.. I don't think I'd do well if I had to pull out the best social skills I possess. The kids there, are not seeing the kid that Jordan can be when he's calm and relaxed and having fun, walking thru the park, chasing crows, laughing and saving the planet!

No wonder it's only been wonderful Jake. His fantastic mom and I met and got us all together outside of class early on. Jake knows Jordan is not ONLY the kid who has to leave over and over in class to calm down. (We will continue to see Jake and family, and I'm so happy cuz they do truly rock.. whichever school he's at Jake is going to do great!)

There is another option. Self Design. If I homeschool thru their program, I would not be able to offer classes at a school setting to Jordan, but I could access $16,000 per year, for academic/physical/social groups/classes/lessons...

Now I think Jake might have done us a big favour! Without the school classes to stress Jordan, perhaps he'd be much more able to be social? And utilizing the money from Self Design I could have him in weekly social groups.. from which we'd very likely, meet similar familes and possibly form some more great relationships....Thru that and our everyday out in the world activities I think we'd have a good balance of social time in the world and the quiet/at home/alone time he needs to process his day..

I am going to process all this. Seems there is a lot of change in the wind... or should I say the River?

The Truth

The truth. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So is truth, if you think about it.

My truth is different than yours, we have different persepectives and different lenses we see our lives through.

My son told me something this week, about an experience with someone that sounded horrific as it came from him mouth.

I took it to be gospel truth immediately. I beleieve my son to be truthful, his way is to be honest, his self or his autism doesn't allow him to be deceitful.

He told me someone hurt him, and this mother warrior began strapping on armour.

We discussed the stuff parents should.. always come to me, always talk to me.. you are so loved <3

Onwards...
Speaking with said adult... "what happened? this is what he said"

Adult " no.. this is what happened"

Hmmmm.

I feel that Jordan was not hurt. I feel that he is physically safe. Now what.


I've been trying to file this in my mental cabinet, and it just won't compute. Jordan told me an untruth. I won't say lie. Jordan is telling me something. I have to listen. Having a child with Autism, means you have ears everywhere.. you have to hear with your heart, hear with your eyes, hear with your hands and your soul. His self, will tell more of the truth, than his words are able to.

So where is the truth in this?

When I discussed this with one of my rescue angels today. " How do I justify/compute that my son told me something not true? Somewhere in there is a truth.. perhaps he was asked to sit and helped with hands on arms?" I'm trying so hard to make jordan's truth THE Truth.. so what he told me is not untrue.. . So, I can know my son tells me the truth.

I can't leave it as untrue, it must be true so I can beleive what he tells me.

My angel says " IT IS TRUE. It's Jordan's truth. Whatever happened, this is what he percieves to be happening/ have happened."
So Jordan's truth, becomes my truth. Thank you son, I see.

Animal Adventures in the Shower

Leisurely Saturday morning, planning on the long shower.. I've had a small wake & bake for the perfect meditative shower mood, I've got time & razors! Ready to go.


I've just finished applying shampoo, and out of Jordan's toys climbs this monster spider!
"THAT is not a Daddy Long Legs!" Go get the camera! Lucky the house is empty, I run wet and dripping shampoo thru the house looking for the camera.. excited about some possible cool shots to come.

Find the camera.. take some pictures. Now I start a dialogue with him.

"Dude, if you can stay there, you can live..okay?" He's very quiet, but doesn't leap at me.. so I'm taking it as a maybe.

He moves around a lot as I do my hair and lather up legs for shaving. I've got one leg up on the side ready to shave, when he makes a break for me.. straight up the middle of the tub!

Sacrificing all the perfect lather, my foot comes down and starts kicking water in his direction. " Dude! You will die.. STAY THERE" He quickly retreats to the safety of Thomas the Tank Engine.

I had told him earlier that I'd bring him outside, but as I continue to look at him and tell myself he is not a Daddy long legs.. perhaps he is some rare Peruvian spider that made it's way around the world..ended up on Kate's skateboard.. into my hower... someone finds me dead a week later?

"Dude.. stay there. I will post pictures and if someone says your safe, I WILL take you outside.. okay?"

My constant visual vigilance kept him at bay.. amazingly I did not slice myself as I hardly looked as I shaved.

He sits in there, I sit out here. If you know what kind of spider the monster is please let me know. LOL.

out of head onto paper

Let's see.. if I let all these thoughts flowing around swirly in my head, let them out? see what happens...


1st swirly thought today -
What you get out is what you put in/ reap what you sow/ give & receive etc... If you tell someone they are rotten, guess how they will behave? If you talk down to someone always, why would they strive to rise? If you want to know why someone is behaving in a certain way, yelling will not get you an answer. If you want to be treated with respect, you must treat others with respect. If there is a problem, especially with children, we must emulate proper behaviour AND as we are only human, if we "mess" up and show inappropriate behaviour, as we all will at some point, then we need to explain and/or apologize to our children and explain what proper behaviour would be. Our challenges are a bigger lesson for our kids than our easy days. If your having a problem with your child, in my opinion you need first to look at your own behaviour, and ask yourself what you are teaching!

2nd swirly topic -
So proud of myself! Took 1.5 hours this morning but I successfully removed a virus from my computer! Patiently, didn't swear one time, explained to Jordan what I was doing as I went!

Same topic - can't stop being choked that I had to remove virus this morning... it was supposed to be gone when I got up this morning. Seems fair that the person who presses the button allowing the virus to enter should be the one removing it.. However...

I will choose to take this a victory for me.. and allow the negative to leave.
I am a champion, not a victim! Woo Hoo!

3rd swirly topic -
Balance! Maintaining balance. I have such grand ideas every Sunday night/Monday AM, such balance I'll acheive with Jordan.. we'll work/chores/learn/play/clean/walk etc etc.. but then the day starts.. today's day began with him and his dad fighting at my door at 7 AM. My understanding and confidence in my day begins deflating at that point. "damage control" "raise self esteem" shine like lights in my head..I know already, I can't "push" him to complete today... today's balance will be about boosting self esteem, talking about problems, learning to talk to someone your disagreeing with.. and I'll have to be okay if we don't do math pages. Again.

My inner teacher says I must /must/MUST do more academic work.. My SELF says... "If we teach him math, but not how to deal with the world, he'll be a smart adult, all alone in his room playing video games" If he is confident, able to speak and interact in the world, with peers, with those who can teach him in life, if he can handle insults at 7 AM, not internalize that crap, and still face the day with a smile.. then he'll get math later won't he?


Last swirly topic
LOL - pretty much the same as above.... dealing with the various people in our lives can be very difficult. I need to remember more often, that these people are all in my life to teach me a lesson, sometimes that lesson is easy to see, sometimes not so much. Sometimes the reward is small... sometimes the reward is the most love I could ever imagaine possible.. Thank you Jordan, for making it ALL worthwhile.

I understand.

The phone rings and I pick it up.

The caller is a person I have a lot of history with, most of it is not great history. Most of our calls are not "fun" Yet, we have them often.

But, I did pick up.

I regretted it pretty quickly, as familiar words began coming thru the phone, and I began inching it farther from my ear. It was blame, blaming the world, and everyone but self. My back got stiff, and I zoned out.

I was already caught in a pattern I don't like.

It came to me that this person was upset, and was reaching out the only way that worked in their experience. It was a person who was hurting.

I read recently, that the best listening words are "I understand" So, I said it.

"I understand... that must be rough"

I'm amazed and grateful that it changed it all.

Because, first it was true. it was a rough situation to deal with, and I wasn't admitting that before because I didn't want to jump into this loop we always got in. I had been unsure of anything I could say, that would not drag me further in, or begin an argument. So the person was alone on one end of the phone, letting it out, and i was a wall.

Until I said I understand. I don't have to understand or agree with everything. I can understand that some things are emotionally rough.
Now on the other end of the line, is a person who is not alone, and feels better, and can calm down.. can see solutions.. hear solutioins with a calmer, clearer head.

I leave the phone, not angry, which is uncommon. I leave the phone wiser than I was when I answered. I understand!

Random - bus experience

Jordan and I were waiting for the bus to Granville Island, outside the Waterfront Station. We're both pretty anal about being away from smoke, and standing right under the no smoking sign. He's telling me all about Mario, I'm "uhuh"ing and looking around. And yes, I'm also scowling slightly at anyone who might be smoking closer that I percieve the minimum 6 meteres from the door to be.

Scanning.. "uhuh"ing, watching for the bus, scanning.."hmm. i know that face"

Very strange to see someone you have known ... know? a homeless person.

Bruce..? He is looking around the area, pocketing butts. It is him. I'm pretty sure. He was my friend Laura's boyfriend, for a while, (15 yrs ago) in Kamloops. He had a house downtown and there were many fun parties there. I remember hearing he'd gotten a bit out of control. Hmmm..

I see homeless drug addicts all the time.

This is a homeless person named Bruce who used to throw parties and date a cool chick named Laura who is a mom who owns a restaurant,who introduced me to jaime who I'm still friends with.. We're connected. Me and him.

A day later I sit here and think about it. I did not say Hello. I did not turn away from him, I did hope if he did look up he would not know me. I think the universe was happy with what it laid out. I saw. I think.

Growth is not always invetiable

Seeds waiting to grow. Some are taken by the wind... landing haphazardely in the parking lot, wanting to grow.. lamenting their fate.. "Why couldn't you have dropped me in soil"

A small breeze picks up a seed drops it in the boulevard.. and it cries. " But this soil is dry! Why couldn't you have dropped me in moist soil"

Another swooping by, comments... " i'm on my way to the lake!" and as it's dropped in the drink,it complains " oh.. it will take forever for me to float to the dry land.. I'll never grow here"

A seed in the parking lot alone. Someone walks by, the whispers of air shuffle it a few feet.. the next shuffle it a few more feet. It holds itself in tight, waits for the conditions to be right, it waits patiently, quietly. No complaints. It sees the dirt, knows it can get there, it knows that it has to be the one to surf the waves of wind..to use the opportunities coming it's way to get what it wants. If it wants to grow, it cannot wait for conditions to be right, it cannot wait for someone else to do it for him.


Too many times in life, we wait for the opportunities to come our way. We want things perfect before we proceed. You must be the one who takes control of your life. You cannot blame or look for fault in the world around you, You must change what you want changed. Waiting for conditions to be right, staying in one place, stagnant.. crying .. "if only.. he would/ if only she would" .... Will get you no where.

Take control today.

Avoidance

I think I have finally realized that avoiding confrontation does not help me. I do not like confrontation, I've gone way out of my way to avoid it, often to my sanity's deterement.

I think I'm done with that.

It seems to only postpone the inviteable.

When confrontation tried to claim me yesterday, I dealt it differently. Someone called and wanted to yell at me. Many people know I don't like confrontation, so I've set myself up to be yelled at. People think this will shut me down, make me comply, roll over.. so to speak.

Yesterday, I stated " I will not be spoken to rudely, if you can't be nice, then email me.. I'm going now. bye"

I got said email, it was baiting me to argue. Nope.

Stated my truth, my disagreement with the issues stated, all the while remembering " It is none of my business what you think of me"
(In fact I could care less as I have no respect for you!)

I will not bow down, but I will not, ANYMORE, be bullheaded and fight you simply because I like to win.

In reality, I win, by living well. In reality, I win by ignoring your shit, dealing only with the facts. In the end, I'll win because I will be sane and happy. In the end, I'll still be happy, as I'm staying true to myself, being respectful of other's feelings...even if I disagree. In the end, I'll have joyous people surrounding me, loving me, respecting me for me, being respected and loved by me for being who they are...

I will be thankful to not see how living the other way ends.....

People are Lessons/ Islands may be easier

If I lived on a deserted island, I would learn a lot I'm sure. A lot of very useful skills and some not so much, lots of survival stuff that I don't need to learn here, with people.

But here, people are the lessons. And I'd bet it's easier to learn to underwater basket weave or catch and bbq a warthog then it is to learn the lessons some people have to offer.

Wish I had the choice. " Universe can I trade (insert any jerk wad here) for some hard labour?

But.. I do believe we reincarnate, I do believe we have to learn all the lessons before we are "done" so I'd only be putting off the lesson that (jerk wad)'s need to teach me. Thank god for friends, family laughter, love and sometimes vodka to get you thru the Jerk Wad days.

Perhaps in my last life I learnt all the deserted island lessons, this time round it's jerk wad time? thank you universe that there is only a few.

Motives

Talking with my fabulous mother this afternoon, we began discussing gratefulness, a topic we enjoy discussing often. One of her author mentors, challenged his readers to look at your motives, or reasons for giving. If you give with the expectation of being thanked, of someone being grateful, then your intent is not to give to someone, but to get something for yourself.

I believe we can all agree that being thankful for gifts is a good thing, to show others your grateful, to show the universe your grateful, but to expect gratitude, or even expect a certain kind of thank you.. is a different animal all together.

To expect gratitude, means we are giving with expectation. This can create negative feelings on both sides. The giver and the receiver can both be hurt in this manner.

As a parent, I know I enjoy giving a lot to my son; love, care, food, shelter, presents, fun etc etc... I DO want him to look at me like I'm the best in the world, and so.. my motives are not entirely pure. How do I give to him without expecting anything? How do we give to anyone without expectation of gratitude?

Giving, sharing with others with a pure, open heart is not easy. We live in a world where it is dog eat dog, winner takes all, fight to survive. We all want to be loved, and seen as super in someone's eyes. Putting all that aside, is a constant struggle for humans. I beleive it is a worthwhile struggle, one I pledge to work through.

What will it be like to give without expectation? I'll let you know.

I wanna be a River

I want to go with the flow, I want to flow easily over the bumps, easily navigate changes in direction, I want to be free and embrace the changes that come. It is a work in progress.