I think I have finally realized that avoiding confrontation does not help me. I do not like confrontation, I've gone way out of my way to avoid it, often to my sanity's deterement.
I think I'm done with that.
It seems to only postpone the inviteable.
When confrontation tried to claim me yesterday, I dealt it differently. Someone called and wanted to yell at me. Many people know I don't like confrontation, so I've set myself up to be yelled at. People think this will shut me down, make me comply, roll over.. so to speak.
Yesterday, I stated " I will not be spoken to rudely, if you can't be nice, then email me.. I'm going now. bye"
I got said email, it was baiting me to argue. Nope.
Stated my truth, my disagreement with the issues stated, all the while remembering " It is none of my business what you think of me"
(In fact I could care less as I have no respect for you!)
I will not bow down, but I will not, ANYMORE, be bullheaded and fight you simply because I like to win.
In reality, I win, by living well. In reality, I win by ignoring your shit, dealing only with the facts. In the end, I'll win because I will be sane and happy. In the end, I'll still be happy, as I'm staying true to myself, being respectful of other's feelings...even if I disagree. In the end, I'll have joyous people surrounding me, loving me, respecting me for me, being respected and loved by me for being who they are...
I will be thankful to not see how living the other way ends.....
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
People are Lessons/ Islands may be easier
If I lived on a deserted island, I would learn a lot I'm sure. A lot of very useful skills and some not so much, lots of survival stuff that I don't need to learn here, with people.
But here, people are the lessons. And I'd bet it's easier to learn to underwater basket weave or catch and bbq a warthog then it is to learn the lessons some people have to offer.
Wish I had the choice. " Universe can I trade (insert any jerk wad here) for some hard labour?
But.. I do believe we reincarnate, I do believe we have to learn all the lessons before we are "done" so I'd only be putting off the lesson that (jerk wad)'s need to teach me. Thank god for friends, family laughter, love and sometimes vodka to get you thru the Jerk Wad days.
Perhaps in my last life I learnt all the deserted island lessons, this time round it's jerk wad time? thank you universe that there is only a few.
But here, people are the lessons. And I'd bet it's easier to learn to underwater basket weave or catch and bbq a warthog then it is to learn the lessons some people have to offer.
Wish I had the choice. " Universe can I trade (insert any jerk wad here) for some hard labour?
But.. I do believe we reincarnate, I do believe we have to learn all the lessons before we are "done" so I'd only be putting off the lesson that (jerk wad)'s need to teach me. Thank god for friends, family laughter, love and sometimes vodka to get you thru the Jerk Wad days.
Perhaps in my last life I learnt all the deserted island lessons, this time round it's jerk wad time? thank you universe that there is only a few.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Motives
Talking with my fabulous mother this afternoon, we began discussing gratefulness, a topic we enjoy discussing often. One of her author mentors, challenged his readers to look at your motives, or reasons for giving. If you give with the expectation of being thanked, of someone being grateful, then your intent is not to give to someone, but to get something for yourself.
I believe we can all agree that being thankful for gifts is a good thing, to show others your grateful, to show the universe your grateful, but to expect gratitude, or even expect a certain kind of thank you.. is a different animal all together.
To expect gratitude, means we are giving with expectation. This can create negative feelings on both sides. The giver and the receiver can both be hurt in this manner.
As a parent, I know I enjoy giving a lot to my son; love, care, food, shelter, presents, fun etc etc... I DO want him to look at me like I'm the best in the world, and so.. my motives are not entirely pure. How do I give to him without expecting anything? How do we give to anyone without expectation of gratitude?
Giving, sharing with others with a pure, open heart is not easy. We live in a world where it is dog eat dog, winner takes all, fight to survive. We all want to be loved, and seen as super in someone's eyes. Putting all that aside, is a constant struggle for humans. I beleive it is a worthwhile struggle, one I pledge to work through.
What will it be like to give without expectation? I'll let you know.
I believe we can all agree that being thankful for gifts is a good thing, to show others your grateful, to show the universe your grateful, but to expect gratitude, or even expect a certain kind of thank you.. is a different animal all together.
To expect gratitude, means we are giving with expectation. This can create negative feelings on both sides. The giver and the receiver can both be hurt in this manner.
As a parent, I know I enjoy giving a lot to my son; love, care, food, shelter, presents, fun etc etc... I DO want him to look at me like I'm the best in the world, and so.. my motives are not entirely pure. How do I give to him without expecting anything? How do we give to anyone without expectation of gratitude?
Giving, sharing with others with a pure, open heart is not easy. We live in a world where it is dog eat dog, winner takes all, fight to survive. We all want to be loved, and seen as super in someone's eyes. Putting all that aside, is a constant struggle for humans. I beleive it is a worthwhile struggle, one I pledge to work through.
What will it be like to give without expectation? I'll let you know.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I wanna be a River
I want to go with the flow, I want to flow easily over the bumps, easily navigate changes in direction, I want to be free and embrace the changes that come. It is a work in progress.
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