Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hypothetical scenario... Pretend your not sure which one is me. And if you get to the end, and think this is really about a broken leg, start over. LOL

One day your son breaks his leg. Poor little guy ;o)

Life must continue, so regardless of the accident, it's essential that he make it down the road to drop off the mail.

One parent thinks "the only way to make something happen is to force it, to make sure it happens AND happens in exactly the way I want it to happen."

"Son, get to the mailbox down the road. No crutches, and if there's something on the way that you discover that makes it easier for you to survive, to make it to the mailbox, don't do it. Unless it looks like something I"m comfortable with and makes me look good to the neighbours"

Kid may make it to the mailbox. But maybe not. Kid might get distracted on the way, his leg is very distracting and throwing his balance off. He sees a few things that might help, goes to get them.. but stops when he remembers that the parent won't be happy and will complain about it.. it's very confusing, "i know this can help me but someone doesn't want me to use it...?" (Being confused, wanting something someone tells you that you shouldn't want is not good for self esteem)

Another parent, let's call her "the mom"

Okay Kiddo, still gotta get down to the mailbox, this is our goal. What will help you to make that goal possible? A crutch? okay. (You'd also like to hum a video game song? okay!)

Kid makes it to the mailbox, with a crutch. Mail gets done! Let's say it again. Mail gets done. The goal is accomplished. Kid feels pride, Kid grows his self esteem. Kid neeed a crutch this time, SO WHAT! He may need a crutch for one more time down that road, or he may need it for 10 more years, so what IF the goals get accomplished.

It may happen that the crutch may change, it might be an uglier crutch than now, gnarly, moldy, boring... but if it is helping him accomplish his goal then we let it help him to his goal. One day he might find a shiny crutch, that is coveted by everyone, and we can all sit around and hear about the awesome crutch.

This crutch right now, for him is important. It's his crutch, doesn't need to be important to you. You have crutches too. What if someone came along and told you,

"Sorry, that annoys me and doesn't fit MY view of you and who you are to me. You just can't use it anymore. Unless of course you take this shiny crutch instead. I know you need a crutch, but i'm only going to accomodate you if you use a crutch that i think is cool and reflects well on me"

( I think if someone said that almost any adult, we'd grab our crutch and hold on for dear life.. and tell them to F right off.. "this is mine..I'm keeping it back off!" kids do this too...)

There are many times in our lives we may need help. For a lot of us, it's a little bit here and there, for others they may need a lot of help. Can we not respect the people that find their individual way thru life, even though their path may be difficult. Can't we respect the person who discovers something that helps them feel complete, or calm, or proud, or interested in life. Who are we to judge another for their interests and the things they need to help themselves cope? If it does not harm you, then leave it be.

And, if you continue to find yourself judging a boy who needs a crutch, perhaps self examination is in order.

1 comment:

  1. oh my. Leah. that is totally amazing. Well done! I am changed. I am changed forever. Thank you