Friday, September 10, 2010

A Positive Confrontation

You may or may not know, I live in a house with my son and a roomate.

He and I (roommate) were overdue for a discussion, well overdue. I have for as long as I can recall been allergic to confrontation. Dry heaves, hyperventaliting were common not to long ago.

It is a story for another day; "How the universe presented me ample opportunities to become accoustomed to confronting people without medical assistance"

So, I'm able to confront when I have to; still don't like it at all.

It turned out really great! Kinda naturally began,(hurray) and I wanted to express how amazing, a small change in the conversation really helped the flow and the end result.

There was/is something going on a lot that I didn't like (*not gonna could be anything, doesn't change the story :o) I didn't like it, it happened often. We all have something with people we live with. He didn't like my reaction to it.

*if you can't insert a behaviour.I can suggest square dancing on the table OR too many headstands on the couch

We started off talking about it, suddenly I said
"let's call it the behaviour and my reaction to the behaviour"

Wow. It took the emotional factor out of each sentence. It is not personal, it is not an attack on your person. There is this thing, one thing (and maybe there's more but one at a time would be best I think) I didn't need to repeat the behaviour to him, and in the long run we've now found a way to discuss anything. Because it could work for anything.

"can we please talk about _______ . Which we will now call the behaviour. and how I feel about the behaviour. How do you feel about this behaviour" etc...

So Grateful for Jordan <3 and all the people we've met together. They taught me, and reminded me over and over, Behaviour is communication. All Behaviour is communication. Our children and Ourselves. We tell people a lot about ourselves in our behaviour.

I'm glad that instead of continuing to be annoyed with this behaviour, that it is now discussed. For now, it's out of me, I'm glad to not carry anxiety I don't need.

I'm learning to have great souls around me, wonderful people who are mostly on the same path in life. For them, I should drop the word confrontation, and for all of our sakes just let it out.. "hey friend, can we talk about this behaviour/thing/sentence?" We all deserve that. They do and I do. I know I will strive for this now. My friends and loved ones are invited to prompt me when necessary. Thanks in advance.

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